- THE THREATENING FRIEND ROLE
If Gabby has been worried about his weight, it really doesn’t make it any easier if Gabby’s best friend is the hot six pack guy next door-the one always getting attention from girls.
I can almost bet with my life’s savings it doesn’t take Gabby’s friend anything to take off his shirt whether its at the beach or the pool but when Gabby is asked to take-off his jacket, he says “Man’s not hot”… I mean a brother has his insecurities to protect against onlookers. Don’t you agree?)
Gabby gets so worried about his weight/appearance and decides to buy smaller shirts that would spur him into setting goals for himself.
He spends so much time looking at the possible outfit he would rock if only he looses the weight.
Gabby determined and hopeful like never before, decides to show his friend the outfit he intends buying.
His friend giggled and mocked: You can’t wear that, your big stomach will be hanging all over the place.
*Help me answer this*
Has this in any way helped in building Gabby’s self-esteem?
I know you just answered NO
It shows your brain is functioning well.
(oya chop knuckle)
Raise your hands if you’ve ever felt inferior at a certain period in your life…OK!
I mean if you’ve ever felt less than enough or at least less than complete compare to the rest of the world?
No one’s rasing their hands? Not even once?
I’m raising both hands though.
I just got a whisper in my ear that someone is in the midst of an inferiority complex as we speak.
Just relax baby, I dedicate this article to you with love.
I’M NOT PROUD OF MY-SELF DISORDER!
Let’s start by defining what INFERIORITY COMPLEX means.
According to RRY (2018)…
“Inferiority complex is the art and science of constantly hiding/covering, burying your head in shame, probably because of something you don’t like about yourself or an experience that left some scars on you and as a result, you suffer shame.
In a nutshell, if there’s SOMETHING on your body you aren’t proud of and because of that, you are in a state of always trying so hard to hide it from the rest of the world.
The moment someone notices, it leaves you overwhelmed/threatened or you go defensive attempting to secure your flaw (imperfection) from the stare of people.
(I beg your pardon if my definition falls short of your intellectual prowess. Feel free to help a sister)
Sweetheart, let’s call a spade a spade! take it from me, you ain’t proud of that thing and my diagnosis reveals you are suffering from inferiority complex.”
IT’s TIME TO DEAL WITH It: Period!
Life may have made you feel bad about yourself.
Your background may have not been fair to you.
Some of you, a man just took your self-esteem, set it ablaze while you watched every inch of it burn to flames.
Some of you may have survived the fire perhaps, but not the effect of the burn.
Others, as a result of one physical limitation or the other, they are left confounded when in public.
But I assure you, there’s STILL a king in you.
I feel the need to say this:
You are perfect just the way you are.
Guess what? You are perfect for your assignment just the way you are.
Before we take a step further…
Say this after me..
RIRY, there’s a king in you
(Insert your name) and say it well enough unitl it’s comfortably seated in every fibre of your being.
After that is done, believe so because it’s true.
Some of you may feel like you dont look good enough and it’s even worse if amongst your siblings, God decided to make you the cross bearer (Jesus’s plight)
That’s why you ended up with the bigger nose, ugly voice, the fat tummy, lanky legs, dull skin, Fat-Flat-butt, the K-leg, the Canoe-leg, name it all..
Some of you feel like you ain’t so smart.
Or you may be thinking, I don’t speak good enough English.
LISTEN UP Baby!
It is time to stop paying so much attention to what you think its wrong and focus more on what’s right.
You hear me?
THE ‘I’M LIKE THAT’ SYNDROME…
If you spent years in the vicinity of people calling you names and making constant degrading comments about you.
It is only a matter of time and you will find yourself repeating the same negative statements you heard many times.
It’s a saddening reality that not all of us have had the good fortune to grow up in a nurturing, encouraging, self-worth stimulating environment. In fact, many people including me had to live through psychological torture and also deal with the opposite of a “pro self-esteem” childhood.
(Many experts agree that children with a “positive self-esteem” will enter their critical teen years with a social behaviour advantage)
If only we were taught in an early age about self worth, self esteem and self-respect, alot of things we are going through now would have been averted.
(If God grants you the opportunity of having children, make the difference in their lives)
If I HAD KNOWN BETTER.
I met two ladies sometime in the city of Jos.
They were (twins) I was told.
Stranger twin they were (dizygotic)
It took a lot of convincing for me to believe they were even related, much less, a set of twins. I mean they had no resemblance whatsoever like the regular ones we see around. (Monozygotic)
As a matter of fact, the only thing obvious about them was the fact that they had a striking dissemblance (dissimilarity)
I couldn’t help but notice how distinctively beautiful one among the twin was, she was physically more attractive and appealing to the eye far-more than her sister.
Mehn…! That lady was damn too pretty .
Her skin was glowing like the brilliance that exudes from precious stones.
She was healthy, in shape, tall and just pretty.
She had a pointed nose like the edge of an arrow.
If you are like me, You are already thinking her sister’s was the same.
Well, not quite. It was just there.
Not so pointed and not completely flat either.
Jokingly, I said…”what part of the womb did you stay that you allowed your twin sis pack everything? Fine nose oh, slim body oh, fine shape join.
That was suppose to be a joke right? But now that I know better, I knew I must have dropped some hot coals on her self-esteem.
If I could re-live that day, I would not say any of that.
You know why?
Because… Each time they gave a compliment to her gorgeous sister (which was almost impossible for anyone not to do so upon gazing her)
What that did to her not-so-gorgeous sister was that it kept highlighting her “imperfection.”
Each time her sister was reminded of her beauty, her brain reminded her of how ugly the world thought she was.
Not that she didn’t matter, it was that she mattered less.
And that was why it hurt the most.
You see, this thing can mess up someone’s confidence.
Before she knew it, inferiority complex had eaten deep into her soul that each time she was in public, she would conceal her opinion on any matter (even if she had an inclination on the subject being discussed)
Why would she do that?
1. For fear of being judged.
2. To void drawing attention so they don’t notice all her physical frailties.
… Perhaps for fear of people mocking or laughing at her and so she would shut up.
The world in it’s entirety is merit-based and whether you believe it or not, its hard to ignore something pretty.
That’s why it’s pointless depending on people’s approval or endorsement before doing anything.
Don’t stress yourself.
I know that;
The more people keep pointing out your imperfection (s), the more obvious and aware of that situation you will become.
Sometimes people cannot help but notice the very thing about you that you hate the most or aren’t so proud of.
That’s the world’s problem baby, don’t make it yours too.
I WILL TELL YOU WHAT!
If you get in-to their team and begin to hate your leg, hate your nose, hate your voice, hate your small body, hate your bag of bones, hate your fat leg, name all) that’s only gonna destroy YOU and make you more aware of your flaw rather than concentrate on your strength.
The whole of it baby…
Love what God gave you and love it well.
Because he thought you could handle it that’s why he allowed it.
Whatever you dont have, perhaps it’s cos you don’t need it.
God gave you everything he thought you would need so quit wishing you were someone else.
Because quite frankly, you can’t be anyone else better than being you.
Trying to be someone or something you are not is an expensive life. Guess what? It is cheaper to be you.
I was in a class back in 2015.
The name of the course was Personal Transformation (by the way, ain’t that about the coolest course name you’ve ever heard) *Insert~Smiley
Well, without overally being dramatic, the lecturer told us to bring out our writing materials and pen down all the things we didn’t like about ourselves. At this point, if you’re like me, you would probably be hiding your book from onlookers because that was what I did (why should you know what I don’t like about myself) so you can use it against me? You think I don’t know you?
Whilst we were at it, we were also instructed to pen down all the ones we loved about ourselves. (sounds better huh?)
Upon getting the assignment done, he told us to each look keenly to the ones we hated (don’t like) and then highlight the ones that could be changed and the ones that wouldn’t.
(till Jesus comes.) Rude awakening!
For instance: if you have a bore-leg, maybe a big nose, perhaps it could even be that you hate your complexion or an aggressive ‘Ogbomosho’ mark on your face.
What about the scar on your body?
That can’t be changed, can it?
Did I hear someone mentioning plastic surgery?
Well… Good luck with that.
He further admonished us by saying ‘hating what you cannot change is sequel to crying over a burnt cookie which is already burnt anyways.
Albeit, he did say, prayerfully (if need be) we MUST learn to LOVE everything and embrace OURSELVES FULLY because truthfully, our physical realities will not be going nowhere; hating it not withstanding.
It may interest you to know that; that was my turning point!
At once, I repented from hating all that I didn’t like about me and began to embrace the whole of me. (I pray you do same)
I’ll tell you what to work on.
a. Your pradigm, (your mindset) the excellency of your mind is so important because your life will inevitably play out your thought patterns.
The results you are getting is a derivative of your mindset.
Apostle Joshua Selman “
In other words, if you don’t like the results you are getting, change your paradigm, change the things you look at, change your thinking.
b. Work on being valuable
c. Work on being thorough.
Being excellent at all levels. (Have a resentment for being average and a mediocre)
My mentor Apostle Joshua Selman has sounded this well-enough, so much I see his face anytime I attempt to do otherwise.
d. Work on being diligent, dependable.
e. Get wisdom and knowledge.
f. Get information.
Bishop Oyedepo says: an informed person is a reformed person, while an uninformed person is a deformed person.
Still to come:)
Please watch out for the best ways to tackle inferiority complex once for all to be published here on momentswithrry.com
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